March 2, 2008

When Life Gives You Lemons


It's fairly common for restaurant staffers to place a lemon slice on the rim of a beverage glass as a flavor enhancer or decorative garnish. But who knows whether these lemons have been handled using sanitary procedures? Anne LaGrange Loving, a professor of science at Passaic County Community College, decided to find out...

So this is an excerpt from a story on the msnbc site about how filthy those little lemon slices are. Whatever flair the lemon adds to the drink's presentation is simply not worth the potential exposure to poop germs. This kind of shit really gives me the heebie jeebies. I've already begun to obsessively use that Purell sanitizer, now I'm gonna have to be the fucking weird guy who refuses a drink because some chauncey garnished it with a lemon.
It's pretty disgusting out in The World. You motherfuckers really are a filthy lot. The best way to keep safe I guess is to shut myself away from you mangy jerkoffs and hope I can find a woman who is clean and will stay that way by shutting you fucks out right along with me. I can then proceed to do filthy things to her and feel okay about not getting a disease or something from one of you freakin' perverts.
I went to the mall the other day and looked at that black rubber conveyerbelt-like armrest on the escalator. It was all smudged with fingerprints, pocked and nicked, peppered with random white splatter marks (how?)... Nasty shit, and you people made it that way. I certainly had no part in defiling it, I wouldn't touch that armrest, not if you paid me. Don't you motherfuckers think it's nasty? Aren't you ashamed?

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