Helen Keller, circa 1888

Looking at this picture that recently surfaced of Helen Keller with her teacher, I'm realizing I would totally bang the shit out of her teacher if I lived back then. The teacher's name was Anne Sullivan, but I'm sure you knew that already, right asshole?

I'd be like dude in ROB ROY. I'd be all, "think of yourself the scabbard, Ms. Sullivan, and I the sword," and then I'd proceed to do what a man does to a woman. I could get more graphic here and I'm sure a lot of you sickos would like that, but we have to maintain at least a modicum of professionalism, cocksuckers. Sorry to disappoint, but you can take your perversions to some other blog if you don't like it. I don't want to sully these pages with that kind of stuff.

Does make you wonder what kind of guys actually ended up scoring with old Helen Keller back in the day, doesn't it? Hell, it could be anyone, what with her condition: a midget, a cowboy, an Indian chief?

Some people say Helen Keller was a lesbian, that she liked the ladies. I couldn't say I'd blame her if she did. I like 'em too. It is strange to imagine Helen Keller getting orally serviced by Anne Sullivan, though. Perhaps Anne also taught her the pleasures of a woman. I like to think she did. Don't think there weren't women who behaved like whores back then, just because this was a hundred years ago. That shit went on, believe me. If only you knew how much that shit went on.