March 14, 2008

What Did You Think It Was, Jonathan?

Gather 'round, children. Gather 'round for a Christmas story sure to warm the cockles of the heart. This is the story of Little Jonathan, the boy who wanted an Xbox 360 for Christmas, but instead got owned by his parents on this holiest of days.

The humiliation the boy feels is palpable. This is something young Jonathan will never forget. Especially haunting is the queer-sounding older brother, who also seems to be the camera operator. His taunts will surely be seared into memory for poor Jonathan.

I just know that years in the future, on one Christmas Yet To Come, Little Jonathan will go for a ride through town with a sawed-off .410 on his lap, and The World will pay for this transgression. Later, when they ask him why he did it, he'll reply: "sir, I guess there's just a meanness in this World."

Indeed, Jonathan. Indeed. People are shit.

For more information about Little Jonathan, click here

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